I have been reading up on perfectionism. Surely, no one in this world is perfect, but should it be an excuse for us to not do things perfectly? Or is it a reason for people to do things to the bare minimum standard that is acceptable to save hassle?
To answer that question, I read up this book called "When perfect isn't enough" by Antony, Martin & Swinson, Richard.
In the first chapter, the authors described what is Perfectionism.by getting a few definitions from various sources. Online Merriam Webster Dictionary define it as "a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. Another definition from a psychiatrist David Burns is "whose standards are beyond reach or reason, and who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in term of productivity and accomplishment."
Recently, perfectionism is described as a multidimensional concept. Below are three types that are listed in the book:
"Self-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to have standards for yourself that are unrealistically high and impossible to attain. These standards are self-imposed and tend to be associated with self-criticism and an inability to accept your own mistakes and faults. When self-oriented perfectionism is combined with negative life events or perceived failure, it can lead to difficulties with depression.
Other-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to demand that others meet your unrealistically high standards. People who are other-oriented perfectionists are often unable to delegate tasks to others for fear of being disappointed by a less-than-perfect performance of the job. Other-oriented perfectionists may also have problems with excessive anger, relationship stress, and other difficulties related to their high expectations of others.
Socially prescribed perfectionism is a tendency to assume that others have expectations of you that are impossible to meet. Socially prescribed perfectionists also believe that to gain approval from others, these high standards must be met. Unlike self-oriented perfectionism, in which expectations are self-imposed, in socially prescribed perfectionism, the high standards are believed to be imposed by others. Socially prescribed perfectionism can lead to feelings of anger (at people who are perceived to have unrealistically high standards), depression (if high standards are not met), or social anxiety (fear of being judged by other people)."
Can't imagine if a socially prescribed perfectionist meet a other-oriented perfectionist, does it mean that the former is actually no longer a socially prescribed perfectionist?
Anyway, while it is good to have standards, we have to constantly check that our standards are not actually perfectionistic belief. Example from the book is about keeping clean and washing up regularly. While it is good to be keeping clean, excessive cleaning (OCD) may result in sores from scrubbing. Therefore, we need to be flexible in our standards as well. If you are out under the sun, sweating is inevitable, so washing up might not be as thorough as when you are at home and getting ready for bed. If you are inflexible in your belief system, then it's likely that you will get into situations with people.
That next part was about common areas where perfectionism can be seen:
Performance at work / school
Student believing that nothing short of A is acceptable, therefore may be upset for weeks if he doesn't get an A. A teacher marking everyday homework must ensure that the marking is never wrong, so after spending 2 hours marking an assignment, spends another 1 hour to check through to ensure that the marking is correct, resulting in lack of sleep everyday.
Neatness and Aesthetic
Spending too much time cleaning leaving them with little time for other things. Individuals who believe that the house should be vacuumed twice daily may have difficulty convincing housemates to share equally in the labour, especially if the housemates believe that vacuuming once a week is sufficient.
Organization and Ordering
Clothes must be neatly folded and placed in a certain order in the cupboard.
Writing (Think I'm guilty of this)
Fear making mistakes when writing, so take a long time to finish writing letters, emails etc.
Speaking
Self-conscious of what they speak fearing that they might offend people.
Physical Appearance
Taking very long to decide what to wear resulting in being late for appointments
Health and Personal Cleanliness
Compulsive exercising, eating only certain healthy food and avoid unhealthy food altogether even if craving for it. Avoid touching things that might be viewed as contaminated. (for example toilet seats, money, people's hands) - sounds like what Dettol ads always want people to think.
The above are examples of perfectionism, can you think of the times when you might have cross the line of high standards to perfectionism?
This is just a short review of Chapter 1 of
"When Perfect Isn't Good Enough : Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism (2nd Edition)'
Reviews for other chapters to follow in time.
