“There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate.” ~Robert Brault
This quote is so applicable to our daily life. Why do we have to wait for special occasions to celebrate when we can celebrate everyday so that every day will be a special occasion. Negative thinkers might rebut by saying "What's the point if everyday is celebrated? There will be nothing special then." Logically it sounds true that whatever is being celebrated is no longer special because whether there is anything good to celebrate, the day is the same. Apply lateral thinking and you find that if you celebrate everyday, you are actually showing that you cherish whoever you are celebrating with. Show that they are important to you.
Stop waiting for that special occasion to bring out the celebratory mood.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/a-simple-choice-to-celebrate-what-matters/
Monday, December 29, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Relations
After 3 posts about individual's thinking, I will now move on to look at what I can find about relationship.
I shall combine all my readings together in 1 post so that I won't have to repeat too many times:
1) 7 tips on developing a successful intimate relationship
2) 10 truths to keep your relationship healthy
3) 7 ways to put life back into your relationship
Let's begin with the first reading
1) Check whether your expectations are realistic
Think it is normal to have expectations on your partners. Examples quoted from the article includes: expect your partner to be there for you all the time; to love you unconditionally; to always understand you; to always remember your birthday; that you and your partner will always be in good moods etc.
We have learnt that the quantifier 'always' is a very strong word in our GP lessons in JC. Is it possible to be always? To always understand you? A person always in good mood? Unlikely. Always remember birthday is do-able but there could be the once in a blue moon slip up or someone could be suffering from dementia.
What does it means to love you unconditionally? There was once I was stopped outside central library in NUS. This person came up to me with some photos and asked me which resonated in me. There were a few photos including these two - a photo of a couple holding hands lovingly and a mother feeding her child. I chose the latter and said that that was a photo where you can see unconditional love. That was my perception that parents give children unconditional love and not life partners, but after reading about lateral thinking, I could also say that parental love is not totally unconditional as well. When you feed a baby, you would expect the baby to be satisfied and smile back at you. That smile could be what parents want in return. Sending children to different courses could be to fulfill parent's dream. When parents lecture their children, that is because they did not get the correct responses from their children etc.
It's the same in relationship, if you are expecting your partner to love you unconditionally, what does it actually mean to you? Then are you doing the same by loving back unconditionally in your own dictionary?
2) Ensure that your fantasies are realistic
Social media will probably have to take the blame for the unrealistic fantasies. Television dramas always come up with extravagant wedding proposals which are by far too unrealistic. Occasionally there may be a handful of people who try to emulate that, like the man who proposed with 99 iphone 6.
Scrolling through facebook everyday, you will probably see different pictures of other people having a hell of a good time, and it seems like everybody except you is enjoying their lives because their partners are doing this and doing that. Please ask yourself if anyone ever posted bad things about their lives on FB? Ya, some do and you will probably have labelled them as whiners and blocked them already. Please stop comparing with what's on FB and get back to life.
3) Understand the messages which drives your interactions with your partner
This is about hidden messages that have been internalized while growing up. They affect your behaviour, attitude and reactions without you knowing. Mostly, these are generalizations that "A woman should do everything for her partner" (so if you are a woman, you will not demand a mutual give and take with your partner, or if you are a man, it could possibly make you a MCP)
4) Be willing to take responsibility for your part in the problems and difficulties which arise between you and your partner
It's easy to point out mistakes made by other people but hard to ever realise that you could be in the wrong as well, causing you to argue your point over why you are right. When two people are arguing, there are going to be at least 2 perceptions of 'how things should be'.
5) Develop self-awareness
Developing self-awareness is the solution proposed in the first article. This means getting to know what caused you to react and behave in certain ways you do in your relationship. You have to be aware of the above points and stop doing them in order to have a successful relationship. Self-awareness is about personal growth and it could help in your career as well.
Going on to second article:
1) Successful relationships take work
This essentially is about communication. I did a quick search on the different methods of communications - written, oral, face-to-face and online. So there is no correct method of communication that you can use. Find one that is comfortable.
2) You can only change yourself, not your partner
If you love someone and think that he or she will change behaviours you find uncomfortable, you are wrong. If you want changes to take place, discuss with your partner.
3) All arguments stem from own fear or pain
Arguments usually arise from your own fear and pain and not because you are actually angry with your partner.
4) Understand that men and women are very different
Understand and celebrate your differences instead of arguing about who is right will make living together more interesting, peaceful and fun.
5) Honour each other in some way everyday
Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much easier. This could easily be done by saying "I love you." every morning, giving each other a hug when you wake up, holding each other's hand etc.
6) Anger is a waste of time
Instead of wasting time feeling angry, calm down and see the good in your partner.
7) Get regular tune-ups
Go to couples' workshop, read relationship book together. They could give you new ideas to strengthen your connections.
8) Find a ways to become and stay best friends
Possibly about doing things together. Look at point 7 below.
9) Be responsible for your own happiness
No other person can make you happy if you are not happy on your own. This has been discussed in an earlier post. If you are looking for your partner to give you the happiness you want, you are looking in the wrong place altogether. Your partner is there to share the happiness you found in yourself and to amplify that happiness. If you have not found any happiness in yourself, even if your partner is able to amplify happiness by 1000 times, your happiness level will still be zero. Look at point 3 below.
10) Give what you want to get
Do unto others what you want others do unto you. Kind of like point 5 below.
On to article 3:
1) Stay positive
This is the choice you have to make. If you know that you are naturally negative, then you have to be self-aware of your choice. Take the time to focus on what's right, what's going on well. When you are discussing your relationship, highlight the good things and minimized the bad. Both you and your partner will feel better.
This will change your conversation to an empowering conversation instead of a dismissing one.
2) Remember that no one is perfect
Remembering that no one is perfect not even yourself. But if you are only preaching on your partner's imperfection while defending your own, then you need to rethink about yourself. Remind yourself that we all have our own bad habits, and we expect our partners to love us despite all that. So give them the same respect and love them despite their imperfection.
If you want to prove that you are right in every situation and want control of everything, the relationship is bound to sour as resentment build up. Why does it matter who is right and who is wrong anyway? Work together to change for the better.
3) Love yourself first
-
4) Make decisions from the heart
If you love your partner, is it reflected in your actions, the way you speak to them, or the way you treat them? Does paying every single attention to your work and neglecting your partner tell your partner how much you love him? You expect the understanding from your partner that you are busy, but do you understand where your partner is coming from? Will you feel regretful on your deathbed that you have not worked hard enough or will you feel regretful that you had not spent more time with your partner?
5) Lead by example
You saw your friend posted on facebook pictures of a delicious meal that your friend's partner had prepared and you are envious of that. Why wait? Do the same for your partner. You don't have to hint to your partner by showing the pictures to your partner because it's likely that the hint will not be caught.
Your mum washes and iron your clothes for you. Don't wait, volunteer to do the chores when you marry and move in together. Your partner will be more than happy to share the workload. Don't tell your partner that your mum or dad does this for you, your brother or sister does that for you. You are comparing your family members with your partner. If you expect all the things that your mum, dad, brother and sister do for you to be done by your partner, then to tell you sadly, it will be easier to just stay at your current home then to be able to find a partner able to do that.
Pass on the love that other has passed on to you. Don't wait for someone to come along the way to provide those love that you have received. It's much more empowering that way. Remember the ripple effect, you spread the love on to other people and the love will then come back to you in a heartwarming way.
6) Start doing things you love
It's good to start hobbies together so that you will get to spend time together. It will also be good to have a mix of individual hobbies, so that you do not need to have your partner around all the time.
7) Go on an adventure
The adventure is out there! There are many possibilities to this one. Go touring, explore new places. It don't have to be bungee jumping as suggested in the article.
Conclusion
Guess from the articles, it is important that if you want to feel loved by your partner, the first thing you need to do is to love yourself. After that, you have to be self-aware of the things that you expect from the relationship. Is it realistic? Don't do the blaming game as it's counterproductive. In a discussion, focus on the positive. You can change only yourself and not your partner, if you need your partner to change, you can put it out on the table to discuss or could even lead by example so that their will be positive changes.
I'll end off with an additional read which brings out what most of my thoughts about relationships.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-maintain-a-happy-relationship-the-desired-things-of-love/
I shall combine all my readings together in 1 post so that I won't have to repeat too many times:
1) 7 tips on developing a successful intimate relationship
2) 10 truths to keep your relationship healthy
3) 7 ways to put life back into your relationship
Let's begin with the first reading
1) Check whether your expectations are realistic
Think it is normal to have expectations on your partners. Examples quoted from the article includes: expect your partner to be there for you all the time; to love you unconditionally; to always understand you; to always remember your birthday; that you and your partner will always be in good moods etc.
We have learnt that the quantifier 'always' is a very strong word in our GP lessons in JC. Is it possible to be always? To always understand you? A person always in good mood? Unlikely. Always remember birthday is do-able but there could be the once in a blue moon slip up or someone could be suffering from dementia.
What does it means to love you unconditionally? There was once I was stopped outside central library in NUS. This person came up to me with some photos and asked me which resonated in me. There were a few photos including these two - a photo of a couple holding hands lovingly and a mother feeding her child. I chose the latter and said that that was a photo where you can see unconditional love. That was my perception that parents give children unconditional love and not life partners, but after reading about lateral thinking, I could also say that parental love is not totally unconditional as well. When you feed a baby, you would expect the baby to be satisfied and smile back at you. That smile could be what parents want in return. Sending children to different courses could be to fulfill parent's dream. When parents lecture their children, that is because they did not get the correct responses from their children etc.
It's the same in relationship, if you are expecting your partner to love you unconditionally, what does it actually mean to you? Then are you doing the same by loving back unconditionally in your own dictionary?
2) Ensure that your fantasies are realistic
Social media will probably have to take the blame for the unrealistic fantasies. Television dramas always come up with extravagant wedding proposals which are by far too unrealistic. Occasionally there may be a handful of people who try to emulate that, like the man who proposed with 99 iphone 6.
Scrolling through facebook everyday, you will probably see different pictures of other people having a hell of a good time, and it seems like everybody except you is enjoying their lives because their partners are doing this and doing that. Please ask yourself if anyone ever posted bad things about their lives on FB? Ya, some do and you will probably have labelled them as whiners and blocked them already. Please stop comparing with what's on FB and get back to life.
3) Understand the messages which drives your interactions with your partner
This is about hidden messages that have been internalized while growing up. They affect your behaviour, attitude and reactions without you knowing. Mostly, these are generalizations that "A woman should do everything for her partner" (so if you are a woman, you will not demand a mutual give and take with your partner, or if you are a man, it could possibly make you a MCP)
4) Be willing to take responsibility for your part in the problems and difficulties which arise between you and your partner
It's easy to point out mistakes made by other people but hard to ever realise that you could be in the wrong as well, causing you to argue your point over why you are right. When two people are arguing, there are going to be at least 2 perceptions of 'how things should be'.
5) Develop self-awareness
Developing self-awareness is the solution proposed in the first article. This means getting to know what caused you to react and behave in certain ways you do in your relationship. You have to be aware of the above points and stop doing them in order to have a successful relationship. Self-awareness is about personal growth and it could help in your career as well.
Going on to second article:
1) Successful relationships take work
This essentially is about communication. I did a quick search on the different methods of communications - written, oral, face-to-face and online. So there is no correct method of communication that you can use. Find one that is comfortable.
2) You can only change yourself, not your partner
If you love someone and think that he or she will change behaviours you find uncomfortable, you are wrong. If you want changes to take place, discuss with your partner.
3) All arguments stem from own fear or pain
Arguments usually arise from your own fear and pain and not because you are actually angry with your partner.
4) Understand that men and women are very different
Understand and celebrate your differences instead of arguing about who is right will make living together more interesting, peaceful and fun.
5) Honour each other in some way everyday
Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much easier. This could easily be done by saying "I love you." every morning, giving each other a hug when you wake up, holding each other's hand etc.
6) Anger is a waste of time
Instead of wasting time feeling angry, calm down and see the good in your partner.
7) Get regular tune-ups
Go to couples' workshop, read relationship book together. They could give you new ideas to strengthen your connections.
8) Find a ways to become and stay best friends
Possibly about doing things together. Look at point 7 below.
9) Be responsible for your own happiness
No other person can make you happy if you are not happy on your own. This has been discussed in an earlier post. If you are looking for your partner to give you the happiness you want, you are looking in the wrong place altogether. Your partner is there to share the happiness you found in yourself and to amplify that happiness. If you have not found any happiness in yourself, even if your partner is able to amplify happiness by 1000 times, your happiness level will still be zero. Look at point 3 below.
10) Give what you want to get
Do unto others what you want others do unto you. Kind of like point 5 below.
On to article 3:
1) Stay positive
This is the choice you have to make. If you know that you are naturally negative, then you have to be self-aware of your choice. Take the time to focus on what's right, what's going on well. When you are discussing your relationship, highlight the good things and minimized the bad. Both you and your partner will feel better.
This will change your conversation to an empowering conversation instead of a dismissing one.
2) Remember that no one is perfect
Remembering that no one is perfect not even yourself. But if you are only preaching on your partner's imperfection while defending your own, then you need to rethink about yourself. Remind yourself that we all have our own bad habits, and we expect our partners to love us despite all that. So give them the same respect and love them despite their imperfection.
If you want to prove that you are right in every situation and want control of everything, the relationship is bound to sour as resentment build up. Why does it matter who is right and who is wrong anyway? Work together to change for the better.
3) Love yourself first
-
4) Make decisions from the heart
If you love your partner, is it reflected in your actions, the way you speak to them, or the way you treat them? Does paying every single attention to your work and neglecting your partner tell your partner how much you love him? You expect the understanding from your partner that you are busy, but do you understand where your partner is coming from? Will you feel regretful on your deathbed that you have not worked hard enough or will you feel regretful that you had not spent more time with your partner?
5) Lead by example
You saw your friend posted on facebook pictures of a delicious meal that your friend's partner had prepared and you are envious of that. Why wait? Do the same for your partner. You don't have to hint to your partner by showing the pictures to your partner because it's likely that the hint will not be caught.
Your mum washes and iron your clothes for you. Don't wait, volunteer to do the chores when you marry and move in together. Your partner will be more than happy to share the workload. Don't tell your partner that your mum or dad does this for you, your brother or sister does that for you. You are comparing your family members with your partner. If you expect all the things that your mum, dad, brother and sister do for you to be done by your partner, then to tell you sadly, it will be easier to just stay at your current home then to be able to find a partner able to do that.
Pass on the love that other has passed on to you. Don't wait for someone to come along the way to provide those love that you have received. It's much more empowering that way. Remember the ripple effect, you spread the love on to other people and the love will then come back to you in a heartwarming way.
6) Start doing things you love
It's good to start hobbies together so that you will get to spend time together. It will also be good to have a mix of individual hobbies, so that you do not need to have your partner around all the time.
7) Go on an adventure
The adventure is out there! There are many possibilities to this one. Go touring, explore new places. It don't have to be bungee jumping as suggested in the article.
Conclusion
Guess from the articles, it is important that if you want to feel loved by your partner, the first thing you need to do is to love yourself. After that, you have to be self-aware of the things that you expect from the relationship. Is it realistic? Don't do the blaming game as it's counterproductive. In a discussion, focus on the positive. You can change only yourself and not your partner, if you need your partner to change, you can put it out on the table to discuss or could even lead by example so that their will be positive changes.
I'll end off with an additional read which brings out what most of my thoughts about relationships.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-maintain-a-happy-relationship-the-desired-things-of-love/
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
Biggest regrets in life
Let's take a look at 2 possible titles of an article:
The 25 biggest accomplishments in life. What are yours?
vs
The 25 biggest regrets in life. What are yours?
Which title will you most likely read? I guess you will probably read the latter which contains the negative word 'regrets' instead of the former which contains the positive word 'accomplishments'. Somehow, the first title suggests a self-centred person trying to flaunt his success story. However, that's not what is suggested in the article, else I won't be sharing it here.
The article is actually about what are the biggest regrets at the death beds. So perhaps, if the author had chosen "The 25 biggest accomplishments spoken at the death beds" would also be a good title?
1. Working so much at the expense of family and friendships
This is pretty much said but very little practiced. People are going to retort you by saying that there's no choice, you have a family to feed. If you don't work, then who is going to feed them? Well, your work is never finished. New work comes to you everyday. You have to prioritize the work into important and not so important. Important work definitely have to be completed on time to keep you in your job, I guess there is no choice for this type. However, on the less important and mundane type, what is the minimum level of work that you can accept. If you can only accept 'perfect' work, then I guess you have chosen that work is more important than your family and friends and that the promise you make about "making up to the family during the weekend" as suggested in the article will never come to fruition.
2. Standing up to bullies in school and in life
Either my school is kind, or I wasn't too bothered by bullies so I can't really think of anything here. There's no need to feel regretful about them unless they really made you lost a whole lot.
3. Stayed in touch with some good friends from my childhood and youth
Childhood friends are good memories. I don't think it really matter if you have stayed in touch with those from childhood as long as you have true buddies in the here and now that you stay in touch with.
4. Turned off my phone more/Left my phone at home
If you use your phone during your own alone time, it sounds quite reasonable. If you are dining with someone, and you keep typing away on your phone, it shows how much important the person is to you.
5. Breaking up with my true love/Getting dumped by them
I was a little puzzled by this heading, but by reading the article, I think it roughly means if you have someone you love now, don't keep thinking back to the past lovers that you once had. Something on the line of don't compare them. People are different and they love in different ways. I don't think you can say that one way is more noble than another way. I have read many other articles about what are the type of boyfriends girl should look out for and frankly, those articles are describing a very idealistic person. You can probably find that person in Utopia. I won't be sharing those articles unless you are interested in reading for amusement.
6. Worrying about what others thought about me so much
This must really be a great regret since it has appeared in all my 3 recent posts (including this). Yet, it's difficult to let go of this perception.
7. Not having enough confidence in myself
I think I have confidence problem, but I do try to improve. I am very sure I am more confident as compared to my secondary school days or even my uni days. Being a volunteer does help a lot on this.
8. Living the life that my parents wanted me to live instead of the one I wanted to
I guessed I let go of this notion during my junior year in uni, the year I started volunteering.
9. Applying for that “dream job” I always wanted
I think I'm in the job I want. But that does not exclude the possibility that I could take on another job in future.
10. Been happier more. Not taken life so seriously
"笑也是一天，哭也是一天。" is a very cliche sentence that people who take life too seriously never like to hear. Laughing doesn't mean that you are not serious, talking solemnly doesn't mean that you are dead serious since you can always eat your words later. I see no wrong laughing while doing family planning, it's a joy to begin with. I see no wrong in laughing while discussing serious subjects such as the uncertain future. Who knows, by being humourous about the matter, it may lead you to some unexpected outcomes that are even better than those that are discussed solemnly over a meeting table. Power of humour has long been suppressed. However, I do not approve of people who go to funerals tell jokes and laugh out loud.
http://hqasia.org/article/no-laughing-matter-humour-innovation-and-effectiveness
11. Gone on more trips with the family/friends
It's kind of tough to organize trips for my family.
12. Letting my marriage break down
I don't know about this.
13. Taught my kids to do stuff more
It's difficult when both parents have to work and have no time for their children, but it's no excuse that you can't teach them and have to send them to all the different courses available commercially.
14. Burying the hatchet with a family member or old friend
-
15. Trusting that voice in the back of my head more
-
16. Not asking that girl/boy out
-
17. Getting involved with the wrong group of friends when I was younger
-
18. Not getting that degree (high school or college)
-
19. Choosing the practical job over the one I really wanted
-
20. Spending more time with the kids
It's the order of your priority list.
21. Not taking care of my health when I had the chance
Health is important. Eat in moderation, exercise regularly.
22. Not having the courage to get up and talk at a funeral or important event
I'm glad I can safely say that I am able to deliver a speech more fluently than on my very first try as a secondary 1 boy.
23. Not visiting a dying friend before he died
-
24. Learning another language
Not a problem here, everyone is bilingual. Oops, I forgot about those who didn't go through the education here.
25. Being a better father or mother
-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you attend talks about how to strike a work-life balance, the speaker might tell you to go exercise, spend time with family and friends, go do something you like etc. Then there will always be people who say that these of course they know, what a waste of time attending that talk. I will have to agree on that part on the waste of time. People know they have to do all those things. What they have to know is that they need to change their mindset and set their priorities. My thoughts of that is already written in point 1.
Leave you with this ad of McDonalds.
If your child says "See you on Saturday." on a Monday, it is quite serious. Glad this dad made it a point to have breakfast with him. Hope it's not a once off thing though.
Monday, December 08, 2014
Things to avoid doing
Somehow, whenever you read an article, you find yourself reading the one that contains at least a bit of negative words. This seems to be how human nature works - since it's easier to be negative than positive. Positive things just don't seem to be .
Today's read is from the following website:
Mentally strong people - 13 things they avoid
http://www.forbes.com/sites/cherylsnappconner/2013/11/18/mentally-strong-people-the-13-things-they-avoid/
Below are my thoughts after reading the original article
1. Waste time feeling sorry for yourself
I think it's perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself. Who can really be unaffected by everything in our surroundings. You can find a way around this though, by setting yourself a time limit, say 5 minutes? After that time, stop thinking about what's unfair to you and if it's within your control, you can do something to perhaps correct the wrong; if it's not within your control, "Next!".
2. Give away their power
You can choose to let people affect how you feel; you can also choose not to let them.
3. Shy away from change
Change is sometime you cannot control. It's constant. So if you are going to resist change, then you will be left behind. If you change but feels grudgingly about it, it's the same. Learn to adapt.
4. Waste energy on things they can't control
It's pretty obvious. Don't be a control freak. If you are going to feel insecure about things that you cannot control, then you will be an insecure person. No one can provide you the security that you need since it's not within their control.
5. Worry about pleasing others
The people-pleasers please others but never themselves. Pleasing others to get the approval of others is their main aims. But all these are just empty praises, unless you are able to please yourself. If you are not happy on your own.
6. Fear taking calculated risks
If you decided that you will be able to take the worst-case scenario of the situation, then the risk is probably worth taking. What can be worse than the worst cast?
7. Dwell on the past
Reminiscing in the past is sweet, if you want the past to be sweeter, then you have to do more in the present so that they will add on to the past.
8. Make the same mistake over and over
Practice makes perfect. Practice your mistake and you perfect your mistake.
9. Resent other people's success
I don't know what is the point of resenting other people's success. Are you going to sabotage them so that they fail? If you want to succeed, learn from them, and put in your effort.
10. Give up after failure
Not everything can be as smooth sailing as you like it to be. If you are just going to give up after one try, then you are going to miss out on many things that could happen when you succeed.
11. Fear alone time
Think this probably is only for extroverts.
12. Feel the world owes them anything
Nobody owes you anything, don't take them for granted.
13. Expect immediate results
Think this is thanks to the fast-food culture. Everything thing has to be instant and quick. There are many things that are worth waiting for.
If you notice, each of the 13 points contain negative word as well.
Today's read is from the following website:
Mentally strong people - 13 things they avoid
http://www.forbes.com/sites/cherylsnappconner/2013/11/18/mentally-strong-people-the-13-things-they-avoid/
Below are my thoughts after reading the original article
1. Waste time feeling sorry for yourself
I think it's perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself. Who can really be unaffected by everything in our surroundings. You can find a way around this though, by setting yourself a time limit, say 5 minutes? After that time, stop thinking about what's unfair to you and if it's within your control, you can do something to perhaps correct the wrong; if it's not within your control, "Next!".
2. Give away their power
You can choose to let people affect how you feel; you can also choose not to let them.
3. Shy away from change
Change is sometime you cannot control. It's constant. So if you are going to resist change, then you will be left behind. If you change but feels grudgingly about it, it's the same. Learn to adapt.
4. Waste energy on things they can't control
It's pretty obvious. Don't be a control freak. If you are going to feel insecure about things that you cannot control, then you will be an insecure person. No one can provide you the security that you need since it's not within their control.
5. Worry about pleasing others
The people-pleasers please others but never themselves. Pleasing others to get the approval of others is their main aims. But all these are just empty praises, unless you are able to please yourself. If you are not happy on your own.
6. Fear taking calculated risks
If you decided that you will be able to take the worst-case scenario of the situation, then the risk is probably worth taking. What can be worse than the worst cast?
7. Dwell on the past
Reminiscing in the past is sweet, if you want the past to be sweeter, then you have to do more in the present so that they will add on to the past.
8. Make the same mistake over and over
Practice makes perfect. Practice your mistake and you perfect your mistake.
9. Resent other people's success
I don't know what is the point of resenting other people's success. Are you going to sabotage them so that they fail? If you want to succeed, learn from them, and put in your effort.
10. Give up after failure
Not everything can be as smooth sailing as you like it to be. If you are just going to give up after one try, then you are going to miss out on many things that could happen when you succeed.
11. Fear alone time
Think this probably is only for extroverts.
12. Feel the world owes them anything
Nobody owes you anything, don't take them for granted.
13. Expect immediate results
Think this is thanks to the fast-food culture. Everything thing has to be instant and quick. There are many things that are worth waiting for.
If you notice, each of the 13 points contain negative word as well.
Wednesday, December 03, 2014
Happiness
I had wanted to title this post as "Unhappiness" but decided against it as there are just too much negativity in this world and I could do away with some of that here.
This post is a collation of the 22 habits of unhappy people in a single page, taken from the website:
http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People
That way, it's easier to read and remind myself not to fall into those habits. For more elaborations of each category, refer to site. I will just get a short quote from each and maybe add a little of my own thoughts.
1) Chronic complaining - "Chronic complainers tend to complain about their job, their significant other, how little money they make or how something wasn't fair. I have news for you, anybody anywhere has hundreds of things they could complain about at any given time. If you are a chronic complainer, quit whining and talk about the things that are positive in your life and focus on what is good."
I don't think I complain much, do I? Maybe a little but I doubt it's chronic.
2) Retail therapy - "Life is about experiences, however so many people get caught up in materialistic items that they forget what truly makes us happy. Sure the latest gadget may make you feel good for the evening, but that high is temporary, and you will be back chasing that retail high shortly after. Get out and experience the world."
I'm not really interested in the latest gadgets etc.
3) Binge drinking - "drinking excessively on a regular basis can cause all sorts of havoc on your life. Since alcohol is a depressant, the following day after drinking yourself silly usually results in a pretty unproductive day."
This is definitely not a problem. Taste of booze is not delectable to my taste buds, but I do drink a little on occasions.
4) Worrying about the future - "No matter what you do, you only have so much impact on what the future has in store for you. Could you get laid off? Maybe. Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup. The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it. As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now."
O' Capt My Capt once said in Dead Poet Society "Carpe Diem." Seize the day. You can't have a foolproof plan of your life or even if you have, you cannot expect the plan to be carried out fully.
5) Waiting for the future - "When you are in high school, you think you will be happy when you graduate. Once you've graduated, you think you will be happy once you land a good job. Once you have the dream job, you think you will be happy when you are married. Next you think you will be happy when you have kids. Once you have kids, you think you will be happy when they move out of the house. Next it will be when they have kids. Before you know it you will have spent your entire life waiting for events to bring you happiness just to realize life (and happiness) has passed you by."
Same as 4. If you keep waiting, you have never lived.
6) Lack of hobbies - "Hobbies are activities that you can become passionate about. Hobbies are something that you can do when you have three hours of free time on a Thursday night. Hobbies are skills that could potentially earn you money if you become good enough at them."
Probably now my hobby is to whip up different food from scratch. Kinda interesting to see the original ingredient turned into the final products and having family enjoying the food.
7) Eating poorly - "Eating healthy not only makes you have more energy, it also makes you look better, which makes you feel better about yourself."
I guess I have ate poorly recently, that's why so many people keep saying I have become fat. Or is it because I lack exercising.
8) Talking poorly of others - "Trashing somebody else might make you feel better for a moment, but all you are doing is masking your insecurities by trying to put them beneath you. Instead, try complimenting others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make you a much more desirable person to be around."
Putting other people down is easy, but looking at your own shortcoming is hard. Stop blaming others at the very first chance and think of what you can do to improve the situation.
9) Holding grudges - "it is a load on your back, and life sure would be easier if you could just take it off. Do yourself a favour, forgive."
Think I have one or two grudges at the moment.
10) Stop learning - "'The moment you stop learning, you stop leading.' - Rick Warren
It isn't hard to become complacent in life. You've spent so
much time going to school to eventually get a job that learning
sometimes takes a backseat to life. Learning doesn't need to be a
chore. Just like hobbies, get out there and learn about something you
are passionate about. Like mexican food? Sweet, start reading about it
and practice making five star restaurant quality mexican food. Learning
new things not only gives you things to talk about in social
environments, it also helps improve your self worth, which leads to
happiness."
This is the only one that I had copied the whole paragraph. I think this is probably the most important thing to me. If you stop learning new things, your life stagnate. Nothing will change. Probably it sounds good that things don't change but change is the only constant in the world. That's probably the reason why I'm in my job.
11) Not following through - "They say that taking the first step is always the hardest part with any
plan. Quit making excuses and walk the walk, nobody is going to do it
for you."This is the only one that I had copied the whole paragraph. I think this is probably the most important thing to me. If you stop learning new things, your life stagnate. Nothing will change. Probably it sounds good that things don't change but change is the only constant in the world. That's probably the reason why I'm in my job.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And that is the toughest. I do like to try out new things but I don't like things to end. Not sure if it's because I like to imagine different endings.
12) Hating your job - "So many people love their job when they first start. As time goes on, co-workers start to complain about things, and then you start to find little things that bother you, then soon enough everybody's complaining has amalgamated into this giant ball of hate"
I don't hate my job, but there's always disappointment because some people are just not there to learn. During my stint in Cambodia, it was much more fulfilling because the children there are really there to learn.
13) Loneliness (how you choose to socialize) - "If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am going to be blunt, YOU ARE WRONG. You can't be in a healthy relationship until you are happy independently. Using somebody else as a crutch for your happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship."
No one owes you your happiness. It is always your own choice whether you want to look at something positively or negatively. If you see everything in the negative light, no one can really do anything to make you happy because there will always be something that makes you unhappy. See beyond the imperfection.
14) Letting negative thoughts enter your mind - "When these thoughts enter your head, immediately think of something else. You choose what you think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is going to stay in focus. We are all human, and bad thoughts will enter our heads from time to time, but by being conscious of what you thinking about you can push them out of your head before they take you over."
I'm guilty of this occasionally. It takes a conscious effort to think positively because it's easier to think of the worse. That's why good news stay at home while bad news travel far "好事不出门，坏事传千里。"
15) Jumping to conclusion - "Fortune Telling is when a situation arises and you automatically predict that things are going to turn our poorly. Because of this fortune telling, you often take yourself out of these situations, which for the most part would end in a great experience. You lose out by having jumped to conclusions and predicting an unsatisfactory outcome.
Mind reading is when you automatically assume that others are negatively reacting to you or something you've done when there is no definite evidence. This can and will make you feel like a victim and can result in unfounded resentment towards these imaginary reactions."
Mind reading is the way of thinking. Because you interpret information given to you in your own opinion and this is usually biased. A way to get out of the situation is to apply the 6 thinking hats method by Edward de Bono. Using the white hat, you process information as it is without adding your interpretation.
16) Magnification - "Often times unhappy people have a tendency to blow small things out of proportion. Take a step back before you deal with an issue and try to look at it objectively."
I'm not someone who magnify things. It's faster to quickly fix the small issues than to keep complaining about it and the issues are still there.
17) Minimization - "Minimization is when you take real problems and instead of dealing with them, tell yourself they are insignificant. Unfortunately you can only sweep your problems under the rug for so long before they explode."
Because I don't magnify things, I'm not sure if I had minimized real problems. I do have weird ways to solve problems sometimes.
18) Self labeling - "When you make a mistake, tell yourself "You made a mistake, next time you will do better". Saying things like "You are an idiot", or "You are a piece of crap" does nothing but lower your self worth. This might sound insignificant, but you need to believe in yourself to be happy, and calling yourself names prevents you from moving on after you've made a mistake."
Yup, made a mistake, live with it, tell yourself next time will be better. Instead of blaming every other things for that mistake, admit that humans are humans. Mistakes are part and parcel of life.
19) Not having a goal - "Happy people have a tendency to make both short and long term goals. Short term goals give you mini accomplishments that build self confidence and keep you motivated for the big picture. The problem with unhappy people's goals, is they tend to be unachievable."
Currently, I'm short on goals. It's easier to daydream of what you can do. Haha. Maybe I should try to draft out that something I have in my mind right now.
20) Worry what others think - "So many people spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to please others. This generally stems from the insecurity that other people are judging them. Stop doing things for other people and do things that make you happy."
This is definitely not call self-centred because you do get worn out being a people-pleaser. I have done that before and later felt that I had not lived before. But you are self-centred if you do things as you please without taking into considerations of other people.
21) Let strangers affect your mood - "There are lots of pissed off people and people who want to drag you down to their level. If somebody gives you the middle finger while driving, smile back at them and let them spend their energy being cranky. Don't let somebody else's bad day control the outcome of yours. If you have to deal with a grumpy person, kill them with kindness"
There is this saying that once you get on the road in Singapore, you become a different person. And that is quite true. So many people are driving recklessly at high speed. Some cut into lanes abruptly and without signaling. The honk is for showing displeasure here. While in some other countries, the honk is for catching people's attention, or simply saying hello.
22) Wanting more money - "the illusion that more money will solve all your problems and make you happy is nothing more than just that, an illusion. According to a Princeton University study, emotional well being and happiness does rise with income, but only to an annual household income of $75,000."
Singapore is the world most expensive place to live in. Guess you cannot say money is not important, but to me, there are definitely many more things that are important and that money can't buy.
Sunday, November 02, 2014
Aquarius
水瓶男
外表叛逆不羈，內心深情無比。一段深刻的戀情於心珍藏了n多年。問到他，儼然一副淡然的樣子，偶爾還是會透露出那份認真。潛意識一直在等，但是沒有給自己希望。一直在尋找更合適的，但是沒能愛得起來。為了那個女孩卑微地做了很多事，有時也不想再付出，但最終還是會幫她。連同善意地損她欺負她，一起變成他不知不覺中愛的方式，或許已經不是保質期內的愛情，只是他對曾經感情的隱忍的呵護。是有能耐的人，但不明白有才而不知更有魅力。享受被女生追並表現淡漠，並不能客觀地看待別人的平庸，喜歡以刻意不經意的語氣講述情史。不管怎樣，他對女友很好，但在未確定前會和別人玩曖昧，確定感情，安全度後就不會玩了。
水瓶男常被人誤解花心忽冷忽熱，那通常都只有兩種解釋，他並未確定你（玩曖昧物件就更不用說了）或者並未感受到你全部的真心。他們大都敏感如雷達並具試探性，待他驗證完畢就會穩定，他需要證明你的心包括自己的心。他們的本真模樣通常需要剝開那層偽裝的膜來看，剝掉冷漠會看到認真，寬容和執著。水瓶就如一個玻璃樽，在不同的角度下折射不同的光線色彩，而瓶中水便如同歲月，時間沉澱越久，瓶子就越滿，也越寂靜，不再如年輕時那般外露，好辯，自以為是，自戀。水瓶座的性格尖角逐漸被歲月磨光滑，滿滿的一瓶水在陽光下更顯得澄淨美好。瓶口狹窄，瓶腔廣闊，深入了便會看到她內心的浩瀚星空。
Taken from
http://eazon.com/p/8297
外表叛逆不羈，內心深情無比。一段深刻的戀情於心珍藏了n多年。問到他，儼然一副淡然的樣子，偶爾還是會透露出那份認真。潛意識一直在等，但是沒有給自己希望。一直在尋找更合適的，但是沒能愛得起來。為了那個女孩卑微地做了很多事，有時也不想再付出，但最終還是會幫她。連同善意地損她欺負她，一起變成他不知不覺中愛的方式，或許已經不是保質期內的愛情，只是他對曾經感情的隱忍的呵護。是有能耐的人，但不明白有才而不知更有魅力。享受被女生追並表現淡漠，並不能客觀地看待別人的平庸，喜歡以刻意不經意的語氣講述情史。不管怎樣，他對女友很好，但在未確定前會和別人玩曖昧，確定感情，安全度後就不會玩了。
水瓶男常被人誤解花心忽冷忽熱，那通常都只有兩種解釋，他並未確定你（玩曖昧物件就更不用說了）或者並未感受到你全部的真心。他們大都敏感如雷達並具試探性，待他驗證完畢就會穩定，他需要證明你的心包括自己的心。他們的本真模樣通常需要剝開那層偽裝的膜來看，剝掉冷漠會看到認真，寬容和執著。水瓶就如一個玻璃樽，在不同的角度下折射不同的光線色彩，而瓶中水便如同歲月，時間沉澱越久，瓶子就越滿，也越寂靜，不再如年輕時那般外露，好辯，自以為是，自戀。水瓶座的性格尖角逐漸被歲月磨光滑，滿滿的一瓶水在陽光下更顯得澄淨美好。瓶口狹窄，瓶腔廣闊，深入了便會看到她內心的浩瀚星空。
Taken from
http://eazon.com/p/8297
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Another good read
Picked up this book from a library "Thinking Course: Powerful tools to transform your thinking" by Edward de Bono, because the author's name ring a bell. And I'm glad it was a good book that helps to improve thinking skills.
In this book, there is this chapter about "Other People" which talks about when there is a clash of viewpoints, many a times, people will start to attack each others' viewpoint in order to devalue the viewpoint held by the other party. Somehow by doing so, it feels as though you are doing it the "right" way. Most people fail to see that by attacking others' viewpoint, it doesn't make you any more right than the other party. It is this very mindset that if the other party is wrong means that you are right that makes changes hard to come by. Changes don't occur till the time when the existing idea is proven inadequate. But quoting from the book "This is the most complete nonsense imaginable. An idea may have been a good one in its time and may still be a good idea.. But this does not preclude the possibility of a much better idea." So it is with this idea that the road pricing system has changed from ALS (Area Licensing Scheme), to an ERP gen 1, and soon to be gen 2 in a short span of about 20 years.
ALS: (sign for restricted zones)
ERP: GEN 1 Gantry
ERP: GEN 2: I guess no gantry will be used since gonna be using satellite.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/lta-issues-tender-for/1391798.html
Our negative thinking might also have caused many good idea to go down the drain:
"An idea may be 90% right and 10% wrong (or inadequate)." Instead of correcting that 10%, negative thinking caused us to focus on the inadequacy of that 10% and then "imply that anyone who could have put that forward must be an idiot and it therefore follows that the other 90% was thought up by an idiot and is therefore ridiculous."
Think positively, act constructively!
P.S.
Images taken from wikipedia.
In this book, there is this chapter about "Other People" which talks about when there is a clash of viewpoints, many a times, people will start to attack each others' viewpoint in order to devalue the viewpoint held by the other party. Somehow by doing so, it feels as though you are doing it the "right" way. Most people fail to see that by attacking others' viewpoint, it doesn't make you any more right than the other party. It is this very mindset that if the other party is wrong means that you are right that makes changes hard to come by. Changes don't occur till the time when the existing idea is proven inadequate. But quoting from the book "This is the most complete nonsense imaginable. An idea may have been a good one in its time and may still be a good idea.. But this does not preclude the possibility of a much better idea." So it is with this idea that the road pricing system has changed from ALS (Area Licensing Scheme), to an ERP gen 1, and soon to be gen 2 in a short span of about 20 years.
ALS: (sign for restricted zones)
ERP: GEN 1 Gantry
ERP: GEN 2: I guess no gantry will be used since gonna be using satellite.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/lta-issues-tender-for/1391798.html
Our negative thinking might also have caused many good idea to go down the drain:
"An idea may be 90% right and 10% wrong (or inadequate)." Instead of correcting that 10%, negative thinking caused us to focus on the inadequacy of that 10% and then "imply that anyone who could have put that forward must be an idiot and it therefore follows that the other 90% was thought up by an idiot and is therefore ridiculous."
Think positively, act constructively!
P.S.
Images taken from wikipedia.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Perfectionism
I have been reading up on perfectionism. Surely, no one in this world is perfect, but should it be an excuse for us to not do things perfectly? Or is it a reason for people to do things to the bare minimum standard that is acceptable to save hassle?
To answer that question, I read up this book called "When perfect isn't enough" by Antony, Martin & Swinson, Richard.
In the first chapter, the authors described what is Perfectionism.by getting a few definitions from various sources. Online Merriam Webster Dictionary define it as "a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. Another definition from a psychiatrist David Burns is "whose standards are beyond reach or reason, and who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in term of productivity and accomplishment."
Recently, perfectionism is described as a multidimensional concept. Below are three types that are listed in the book:
"Self-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to have standards for yourself that are unrealistically high and impossible to attain. These standards are self-imposed and tend to be associated with self-criticism and an inability to accept your own mistakes and faults. When self-oriented perfectionism is combined with negative life events or perceived failure, it can lead to difficulties with depression.
Other-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to demand that others meet your unrealistically high standards. People who are other-oriented perfectionists are often unable to delegate tasks to others for fear of being disappointed by a less-than-perfect performance of the job. Other-oriented perfectionists may also have problems with excessive anger, relationship stress, and other difficulties related to their high expectations of others.
Socially prescribed perfectionism is a tendency to assume that others have expectations of you that are impossible to meet. Socially prescribed perfectionists also believe that to gain approval from others, these high standards must be met. Unlike self-oriented perfectionism, in which expectations are self-imposed, in socially prescribed perfectionism, the high standards are believed to be imposed by others. Socially prescribed perfectionism can lead to feelings of anger (at people who are perceived to have unrealistically high standards), depression (if high standards are not met), or social anxiety (fear of being judged by other people)."
Can't imagine if a socially prescribed perfectionist meet a other-oriented perfectionist, does it mean that the former is actually no longer a socially prescribed perfectionist?
Anyway, while it is good to have standards, we have to constantly check that our standards are not actually perfectionistic belief. Example from the book is about keeping clean and washing up regularly. While it is good to be keeping clean, excessive cleaning (OCD) may result in sores from scrubbing. Therefore, we need to be flexible in our standards as well. If you are out under the sun, sweating is inevitable, so washing up might not be as thorough as when you are at home and getting ready for bed. If you are inflexible in your belief system, then it's likely that you will get into situations with people.
That next part was about common areas where perfectionism can be seen:
Performance at work / school
Student believing that nothing short of A is acceptable, therefore may be upset for weeks if he doesn't get an A. A teacher marking everyday homework must ensure that the marking is never wrong, so after spending 2 hours marking an assignment, spends another 1 hour to check through to ensure that the marking is correct, resulting in lack of sleep everyday.
Neatness and Aesthetic
Spending too much time cleaning leaving them with little time for other things. Individuals who believe that the house should be vacuumed twice daily may have difficulty convincing housemates to share equally in the labour, especially if the housemates believe that vacuuming once a week is sufficient.
Organization and Ordering
Clothes must be neatly folded and placed in a certain order in the cupboard.
Writing (Think I'm guilty of this)
Fear making mistakes when writing, so take a long time to finish writing letters, emails etc.
Speaking
Self-conscious of what they speak fearing that they might offend people.
Physical Appearance
Taking very long to decide what to wear resulting in being late for appointments
Health and Personal Cleanliness
Compulsive exercising, eating only certain healthy food and avoid unhealthy food altogether even if craving for it. Avoid touching things that might be viewed as contaminated. (for example toilet seats, money, people's hands) - sounds like what Dettol ads always want people to think.
The above are examples of perfectionism, can you think of the times when you might have cross the line of high standards to perfectionism?
This is just a short review of Chapter 1 of "When Perfect Isn't Good Enough : Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism (2nd Edition)'
Reviews for other chapters to follow in time.
To answer that question, I read up this book called "When perfect isn't enough" by Antony, Martin & Swinson, Richard.
In the first chapter, the authors described what is Perfectionism.by getting a few definitions from various sources. Online Merriam Webster Dictionary define it as "a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. Another definition from a psychiatrist David Burns is "whose standards are beyond reach or reason, and who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in term of productivity and accomplishment."
Recently, perfectionism is described as a multidimensional concept. Below are three types that are listed in the book:
"Self-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to have standards for yourself that are unrealistically high and impossible to attain. These standards are self-imposed and tend to be associated with self-criticism and an inability to accept your own mistakes and faults. When self-oriented perfectionism is combined with negative life events or perceived failure, it can lead to difficulties with depression.
Other-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to demand that others meet your unrealistically high standards. People who are other-oriented perfectionists are often unable to delegate tasks to others for fear of being disappointed by a less-than-perfect performance of the job. Other-oriented perfectionists may also have problems with excessive anger, relationship stress, and other difficulties related to their high expectations of others.
Socially prescribed perfectionism is a tendency to assume that others have expectations of you that are impossible to meet. Socially prescribed perfectionists also believe that to gain approval from others, these high standards must be met. Unlike self-oriented perfectionism, in which expectations are self-imposed, in socially prescribed perfectionism, the high standards are believed to be imposed by others. Socially prescribed perfectionism can lead to feelings of anger (at people who are perceived to have unrealistically high standards), depression (if high standards are not met), or social anxiety (fear of being judged by other people)."
Can't imagine if a socially prescribed perfectionist meet a other-oriented perfectionist, does it mean that the former is actually no longer a socially prescribed perfectionist?
Anyway, while it is good to have standards, we have to constantly check that our standards are not actually perfectionistic belief. Example from the book is about keeping clean and washing up regularly. While it is good to be keeping clean, excessive cleaning (OCD) may result in sores from scrubbing. Therefore, we need to be flexible in our standards as well. If you are out under the sun, sweating is inevitable, so washing up might not be as thorough as when you are at home and getting ready for bed. If you are inflexible in your belief system, then it's likely that you will get into situations with people.
That next part was about common areas where perfectionism can be seen:
Performance at work / school
Student believing that nothing short of A is acceptable, therefore may be upset for weeks if he doesn't get an A. A teacher marking everyday homework must ensure that the marking is never wrong, so after spending 2 hours marking an assignment, spends another 1 hour to check through to ensure that the marking is correct, resulting in lack of sleep everyday.
Neatness and Aesthetic
Spending too much time cleaning leaving them with little time for other things. Individuals who believe that the house should be vacuumed twice daily may have difficulty convincing housemates to share equally in the labour, especially if the housemates believe that vacuuming once a week is sufficient.
Organization and Ordering
Clothes must be neatly folded and placed in a certain order in the cupboard.
Writing (Think I'm guilty of this)
Fear making mistakes when writing, so take a long time to finish writing letters, emails etc.
Speaking
Self-conscious of what they speak fearing that they might offend people.
Physical Appearance
Taking very long to decide what to wear resulting in being late for appointments
Health and Personal Cleanliness
Compulsive exercising, eating only certain healthy food and avoid unhealthy food altogether even if craving for it. Avoid touching things that might be viewed as contaminated. (for example toilet seats, money, people's hands) - sounds like what Dettol ads always want people to think.
The above are examples of perfectionism, can you think of the times when you might have cross the line of high standards to perfectionism?
This is just a short review of Chapter 1 of "When Perfect Isn't Good Enough : Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism (2nd Edition)'
Reviews for other chapters to follow in time.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Thursday, August 07, 2014
Boy you date vs Man you marry
The title of this article said it all:
15 differences between the boy you date and the man you marry
What a jerk.
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
What the old man does is always right?
Saw an article on facebook and thought I would share:
http://mp.weixin.qq.com/s?__biz=MzA4MTg2MDUyNw%3D%3D&mid=200366266&idx=2&sn=14fae354b5e14fcd134fa91b6396cb0b&scene=4#rd
Literally, it means a silly old man exchanged a cow for a bag of rotten apples but the wife rewarded him with a kiss when he came home.
Found the heading interesting, which old woman would be so forgiving when her old man exchanged a cow for a bag of garbage? So I clicked and led me to the page. Upon reading the introduction, it says that's a story by Hans Christian Andersen - What the old man does is always right (English version)
Well, I don't read many stories of Hans Christan Andersen but I do know that he writes fairy-tales, so this could only mean that the story is fictional. Anyway, here's a gist of the story:
This old couple lived in a farmhouse and had nothing valuable under their names apart from a horse. One day, they decided that they will sell the horse, or exchanged it for something more useful to them, so the old woman asked the old man to go to the town to do whatever he deemed fit. "You know best, old man,"
Along the way, the old man made the following exchanges, being thoughtful that each exchange will please the wife:
1) Horse for a cow
2) Cow for a sheep
3) Sheep for a goose
4) Goose for a fowl
5) Fowl for a bag of shriveled apple
(From a normal person's point of view, the exchanges are always depreciating in values.)
After making all the exchanges, the old man went into an inn parlor where he met two rich Englishmen. Upon hearing the story, the two men suggested that the old man would get an earful from his wife when he got home, but he reassured the two men that his wife will not, an in fact, give him a kiss for his work. That's when a wager was made and the three men headed back to the old man's farmhouse.
Upon the old man's return, he told his wife about the exchanges he made, one at a time. These are the reactions after each exchanged was said:
1) “Now we shall have plenty of milk, and butter, and cheese on the table."
2)“Ah, better still!” cried the wife. “You always think of everything; we have just enough pasture for a sheep. Ewe’s milk and cheese, woolen jackets and stockings! The cow could not give all these, and her hair only falls off. How you think of everything!”
3)“Then we shall have roast goose to eat this year. You dear old man, you are always thinking of something to please me. This is delightful. We can let the goose walk about with a string tied to her leg, so she will be fatter still before we roast her.”
4)“A fowl! Well, that was a good exchange,” replied the woman. “The fowl will lay eggs and hatch them, and we shall have chickens; we shall soon have a poultry-yard. Oh, this is just what I was wishing for.”
5)“What! I really must give you a kiss for that!”
And the reason for number 5 was because she was mocked at by her neighbour when she went to borrow some herbs, saying that she could not even afford to return a shriveled apple. And here there is one whole sack of the apples which she could lend even tens to the neighbour.
The two men happily paid up to the wager and thought it worthwhile to pay to see such a loving couple.
What have I learnt from this story?
1) It's heartwarming that you see the wife had absolute faith in her husband that whatever he did, he did it with her in mind. Though people might see that it was silly to get something of less value than before, the wife knew better.
2) Though not known how long they were married, I guess it must have been very long, since people in the past married young. I guess this sort of trusting relationship takes time to foster.
3) A man will think of ways to please his wife, even if the things he do may seem irrational in the eyes of others. Love is irrational anyway.
4) A wife is a happy wife if she thinks the best of her husband and have faith and not look at only monetary values of actions.
5) This story is not real, so I guess this type of wives don't exist. But I'm pretty sure this type of husbands do exist.
愚蠢的老头子用一头牛换了一袋烂苹果，老婆子竟然回家给了他一个吻
http://mp.weixin.qq.com/s?__biz=MzA4MTg2MDUyNw%3D%3D&mid=200366266&idx=2&sn=14fae354b5e14fcd134fa91b6396cb0b&scene=4#rd
Literally, it means a silly old man exchanged a cow for a bag of rotten apples but the wife rewarded him with a kiss when he came home.
Found the heading interesting, which old woman would be so forgiving when her old man exchanged a cow for a bag of garbage? So I clicked and led me to the page. Upon reading the introduction, it says that's a story by Hans Christian Andersen - What the old man does is always right (English version)
Well, I don't read many stories of Hans Christan Andersen but I do know that he writes fairy-tales, so this could only mean that the story is fictional. Anyway, here's a gist of the story:
This old couple lived in a farmhouse and had nothing valuable under their names apart from a horse. One day, they decided that they will sell the horse, or exchanged it for something more useful to them, so the old woman asked the old man to go to the town to do whatever he deemed fit. "You know best, old man,"
Along the way, the old man made the following exchanges, being thoughtful that each exchange will please the wife:
1) Horse for a cow
2) Cow for a sheep
3) Sheep for a goose
4) Goose for a fowl
5) Fowl for a bag of shriveled apple
(From a normal person's point of view, the exchanges are always depreciating in values.)
After making all the exchanges, the old man went into an inn parlor where he met two rich Englishmen. Upon hearing the story, the two men suggested that the old man would get an earful from his wife when he got home, but he reassured the two men that his wife will not, an in fact, give him a kiss for his work. That's when a wager was made and the three men headed back to the old man's farmhouse.
Upon the old man's return, he told his wife about the exchanges he made, one at a time. These are the reactions after each exchanged was said:
1) “Now we shall have plenty of milk, and butter, and cheese on the table."
2)“Ah, better still!” cried the wife. “You always think of everything; we have just enough pasture for a sheep. Ewe’s milk and cheese, woolen jackets and stockings! The cow could not give all these, and her hair only falls off. How you think of everything!”
3)“Then we shall have roast goose to eat this year. You dear old man, you are always thinking of something to please me. This is delightful. We can let the goose walk about with a string tied to her leg, so she will be fatter still before we roast her.”
4)“A fowl! Well, that was a good exchange,” replied the woman. “The fowl will lay eggs and hatch them, and we shall have chickens; we shall soon have a poultry-yard. Oh, this is just what I was wishing for.”
5)“What! I really must give you a kiss for that!”
And the reason for number 5 was because she was mocked at by her neighbour when she went to borrow some herbs, saying that she could not even afford to return a shriveled apple. And here there is one whole sack of the apples which she could lend even tens to the neighbour.
The two men happily paid up to the wager and thought it worthwhile to pay to see such a loving couple.
What have I learnt from this story?
1) It's heartwarming that you see the wife had absolute faith in her husband that whatever he did, he did it with her in mind. Though people might see that it was silly to get something of less value than before, the wife knew better.
2) Though not known how long they were married, I guess it must have been very long, since people in the past married young. I guess this sort of trusting relationship takes time to foster.
3) A man will think of ways to please his wife, even if the things he do may seem irrational in the eyes of others. Love is irrational anyway.
4) A wife is a happy wife if she thinks the best of her husband and have faith and not look at only monetary values of actions.
5) This story is not real, so I guess this type of wives don't exist. But I'm pretty sure this type of husbands do exist.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Best Read from the NLB book banning saga
http://hedgehogcomms.blogspot.sg/2014/07/just-another-view-on-nlb-book-banning.html
As the title suggested.
Frankly, if you don't like a certain book, just don't pick it. Why ask for it to be banned because your book "said so". And it's obvious you have misinterpreted your own book.
If you love your kids so much, I'm sure you will be able to put the books to great use by using it as an education tool. By asking for its ban means that you are just an over-protective parent who think that children should be sheltered from all problems. It doesn't mean that reading about it will make them gay. At the same time, doesn't read about it doesn't mean that they will not either. Children did not read about fighting over things to need to know how to fight over things.
Love your children? Teach them.
Cool, hedgehog is one of my favourite animals too.
As the title suggested.
Frankly, if you don't like a certain book, just don't pick it. Why ask for it to be banned because your book "said so". And it's obvious you have misinterpreted your own book.
If you love your kids so much, I'm sure you will be able to put the books to great use by using it as an education tool. By asking for its ban means that you are just an over-protective parent who think that children should be sheltered from all problems. It doesn't mean that reading about it will make them gay. At the same time, doesn't read about it doesn't mean that they will not either. Children did not read about fighting over things to need to know how to fight over things.
Love your children? Teach them.
Cool, hedgehog is one of my favourite animals too.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
More Public Holidays?
It's never an easy job to be integrating outsiders to this land scarce island, especially with this huge influx of outsiders at one go. There's little wonder that there's constantly conflict between the locals and FTs. The most recent one is this one:
photo taken from: facebook (the real singapore)
With overcrowding EVERYWHERE! And the increasing shrink in the size of new homes, there is little space for everyone. People are suffering from claustrophobia. Every wrong step anyone do is gonna trigger some other people.
It seems like nowadays we do not talk about the four major races anymore. Instead, we are always talking about gloablization and Education's ultimate aim is to foster global-ready citizens. In public schools, we can see that there are many many many International students coming from so many many different countries.
With this objective to foster global-ready citizens, we should start off by also celebrating other countries holidays. A good start will be to make Philippines Independence Day - June 12, a public holiday. That way, I think people will be more willing to include them as part of our community as the fifth major race. But wait, it's not fair for them yet, since we celebrate 3 days (I think, or is it less) of public holidays for each ethnic group here. So I scrolled through Wikipedia and hand-pick these 2 more dates:
1) Bonifacio Day - 30 Nov, celebrate the birthday of a National Hero of the Philippines
2) Day of Valour - Commemorates the Fall of Bataan during the Japanese invasion of the Philippines, and by extension, the courage of Filipino and American soldiers at the Fall of Corregidor, theBataan Death March and throughout the Second World War
Oh wait, someone just told me we don't just have Pinoys, so these 3 dates for our Indonesian Friends
1) Independence Day - 17 August
2) Day of Silence - 31 March, New Year of Balinese calendar
3) Heroes' Day - 10 Nov, Commemoration of the 1946 Battle of Surabaya
Not forgetting our friends from the Western (I'll just group them under Americans)
1) Independence Day - 4 July
2) Memorial Day - Last Monday in May. Honors the nation's war dead from the Civil War onwards; marks the unofficial beginning of the summer season
3) Columbus Day - Second Monday in October. Honors Christopher Columbus, traditional discoverer of the Americas
I think with these 9 more days of PH, citizens of Singapore will harbour less resent towards the FTs working in Singapore, allowing everyone to come together and live harmoniously as:
PS: Have I missed out on any countries?
photo taken from: facebook (the real singapore)
With overcrowding EVERYWHERE! And the increasing shrink in the size of new homes, there is little space for everyone. People are suffering from claustrophobia. Every wrong step anyone do is gonna trigger some other people.
It seems like nowadays we do not talk about the four major races anymore. Instead, we are always talking about gloablization and Education's ultimate aim is to foster global-ready citizens. In public schools, we can see that there are many many many International students coming from so many many different countries.
With this objective to foster global-ready citizens, we should start off by also celebrating other countries holidays. A good start will be to make Philippines Independence Day - June 12, a public holiday. That way, I think people will be more willing to include them as part of our community as the fifth major race. But wait, it's not fair for them yet, since we celebrate 3 days (I think, or is it less) of public holidays for each ethnic group here. So I scrolled through Wikipedia and hand-pick these 2 more dates:
1) Bonifacio Day - 30 Nov, celebrate the birthday of a National Hero of the Philippines
2) Day of Valour - Commemorates the Fall of Bataan during the Japanese invasion of the Philippines, and by extension, the courage of Filipino and American soldiers at the Fall of Corregidor, theBataan Death March and throughout the Second World War
Oh wait, someone just told me we don't just have Pinoys, so these 3 dates for our Indonesian Friends
1) Independence Day - 17 August
2) Day of Silence - 31 March, New Year of Balinese calendar
3) Heroes' Day - 10 Nov, Commemoration of the 1946 Battle of Surabaya
Not forgetting our friends from the Western (I'll just group them under Americans)
1) Independence Day - 4 July
2) Memorial Day - Last Monday in May. Honors the nation's war dead from the Civil War onwards; marks the unofficial beginning of the summer season
3) Columbus Day - Second Monday in October. Honors Christopher Columbus, traditional discoverer of the Americas
I think with these 9 more days of PH, citizens of Singapore will harbour less resent towards the FTs working in Singapore, allowing everyone to come together and live harmoniously as:
PS: Have I missed out on any countries?
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