Happiness

I had wanted to title this post as "Unhappiness" but decided against it as there are just too much negativity in this world and I could do away with some of that here.

This post is a collation of the 22 habits of unhappy people in a single page, taken from the website:

http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People

That way, it's easier to read and remind myself not to fall into those habits. For more elaborations of each category, refer to site. I will just get a short quote from each and maybe add a little of my own thoughts.

1)  Chronic complaining - "Chronic complainers tend to complain about their job, their significant other, how little money they make or how something wasn't fair.  I have news for you, anybody anywhere has hundreds of things they could complain about at any given time.  If you are a chronic complainer, quit whining and talk about the things that are positive in your life and focus on what is good."

I don't think I complain much, do I? Maybe a little but I doubt it's chronic.

2) Retail therapy - "Life is about experiences, however so many people get caught up in materialistic items that they forget what truly makes us happy.  Sure the latest gadget may make you feel good for the evening, but that high is temporary, and you will be back chasing that retail high shortly after. Get out and experience the world."

I'm not really interested in the latest gadgets etc.

3) Binge drinking - "drinking excessively on a regular basis can cause all sorts of havoc on your life.  Since alcohol is a depressant, the following day after drinking yourself silly usually results in a pretty unproductive day."

This is definitely not a problem. Taste of booze is not delectable to my taste buds, but I do drink a little on occasions.

4) Worrying about the future - "No matter what you do, you only have so much impact on what the future has in store for you.  Could you get laid off? Maybe.  Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup.  The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it.  As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now."

O' Capt My Capt once said in Dead Poet Society "Carpe Diem." Seize the day. You can't have a foolproof plan of your life or even if you have, you cannot expect the plan to be carried out fully.

5) Waiting for the future - "When you are in high school, you think you will be happy when you graduate. Once you've graduated, you think you will be happy once you land a good job.  Once you have the dream job, you think you will be happy when you are married.   Next you think you will be happy when you have kids.  Once you have kids, you think you will be happy when they move out of the house. Next it will be when they have kids.  Before you know it you will have spent your entire life waiting for events to bring you happiness just to realize life (and happiness) has passed you by."

Same as 4. If you keep waiting, you have never lived.

6) Lack of hobbies - "Hobbies are activities that you can become passionate about.  Hobbies are something that you can do when you have three hours of free time on a Thursday night.  Hobbies are skills that could potentially earn you money if you become good enough at them."

Probably now my hobby is to whip up different food from scratch. Kinda interesting to see the original ingredient turned into the final products and having family enjoying the food.

7) Eating poorly - "Eating healthy not only makes you have more energy, it also makes you look better, which makes you feel better about yourself."

I guess I have ate poorly recently, that's why so many people keep saying I have become fat. Or is it because I lack exercising.

8) Talking poorly of others - "Trashing somebody else might make you feel better for a moment, but all you are doing is masking your insecurities by trying to put them beneath you.  Instead, try complimenting others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make you a much more desirable person to be around."

Putting other people down is easy, but looking at your own shortcoming is hard. Stop blaming others at the very first chance and think of what you can do to improve the situation.

9) Holding grudges - "it is a load on your back, and life sure would be easier if you could just take it off.  Do yourself a favour, forgive."

Think I have one or two grudges at the moment.

10) Stop learning - "'The moment you stop learning, you stop leading.' - Rick Warren

It isn't hard to become complacent in life.  You've spent so much time going to school to eventually get a job that learning sometimes takes a backseat to life.  Learning doesn't need to be a chore.   Just like hobbies, get out there and learn about something you are passionate about.  Like mexican food? Sweet, start reading about it and practice making five star restaurant quality mexican food.  Learning new things not only gives you things to talk about in social environments, it also helps improve your self worth, which leads to happiness."

This is the only one that I had copied the whole paragraph. I think this is probably the most important thing to me. If you stop learning new things, your life stagnate. Nothing will change. Probably it sounds good that things don't change but change is the only constant in the world. That's probably the reason why I'm in my job.

11) Not following through - "They say that taking the first step is always the hardest part with any plan.  Quit making excuses and walk the walk, nobody is going to do it for you."

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And that is the toughest. I do like to try out new things but I don't like things to end. Not sure if it's because I like to imagine different endings.

12) Hating your job - "So many people love their job when they first start.  As time goes on, co-workers start to complain about things, and then you start to find little things that bother you, then soon enough everybody's complaining has amalgamated into this giant ball of hate"

I don't hate my job, but there's always disappointment because some people are just not there to learn. During my stint in Cambodia, it was much more fulfilling because the children there are really there to learn.

13) Loneliness (how you choose to socialize) - "If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am going to be blunt,  YOU ARE WRONG.  You can't be in a healthy relationship until you are happy independently.  Using somebody else as a crutch for your happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship."

No one owes you your happiness. It is always your own choice whether you want to look at something positively or negatively. If you see everything in the negative light, no one can really do anything to make you happy because there will always be something that makes you unhappy. See beyond the imperfection. 

14) Letting negative thoughts enter your mind - "When these thoughts enter your head, immediately think of something else.  You choose what you think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is going to stay in focus.  We are all human, and bad thoughts will enter our heads from time to time, but by being conscious of what you thinking about you can push them out of your head before they take you over."

I'm guilty of this occasionally. It takes a conscious effort to think positively because it's easier to think of the worse. That's why good news stay at home while bad news travel far "好事不出门，坏事传千里。"

15) Jumping to conclusion - "Fortune Telling is when a situation arises and you automatically predict that things are going to turn our poorly.  Because of this fortune telling, you often take yourself out of these situations, which for the most part would end in a great experience.  You lose out by having jumped to conclusions and predicting an unsatisfactory outcome.
Mind reading is when you automatically assume that others are negatively reacting to you or something you've done when there is no definite evidence.  This can and will make you feel like a victim and can result in unfounded resentment towards these imaginary reactions."

Mind reading is the way of thinking. Because you interpret information given to you in your own opinion and this is usually biased. A way to get out of the situation is to apply the 6 thinking hats method by Edward de Bono. Using the white hat, you process information as it is without adding your interpretation.

16) Magnification - "Often times unhappy people have a tendency to blow small things out of proportion.  Take a step back before you deal with an issue and try to look at it objectively."

I'm not someone who magnify things. It's faster to quickly fix the small issues than to keep complaining about it and the issues are still there.
 
17) Minimization - "Minimization is when you take real problems and instead of dealing with them, tell yourself they are insignificant.  Unfortunately you can only sweep your problems under the rug for so long before they explode."

Because I don't magnify things, I'm not sure if I had minimized real problems. I do have weird ways to solve problems sometimes.

18) Self labeling - "When you make a mistake, tell yourself "You made a mistake, next time you will do better".   Saying things like "You are an idiot", or "You are a piece of crap" does nothing but lower your self worth.  This might sound insignificant, but you need to believe in yourself to be happy, and calling yourself names prevents you from moving on after you've made a mistake."

Yup, made a mistake, live with it, tell yourself next time will be better. Instead of blaming every other things for that mistake, admit that humans are humans. Mistakes are part and parcel of life.

19) Not having a goal - "Happy people have a tendency to make both short and long term goals.  Short term goals give you mini accomplishments that build self confidence and keep you motivated for the big picture. The problem with unhappy people's goals, is they tend to be unachievable."

Currently, I'm short on goals. It's easier to daydream of what you can do. Haha. Maybe I should try to draft out that something I have in my mind right now.

20) Worry what others think - "So many people spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to please others.  This generally stems from the insecurity that other people are judging them. Stop doing things for other people and do things that make you happy."

This is definitely not call self-centred because you do get worn out being a people-pleaser. I have done that before and later felt that I had not lived before. But you are self-centred if you do things as you please without taking into considerations of other people.

21) Let strangers affect your mood - "There are lots of pissed off people and people who want to drag you down to their level.  If somebody gives you the middle finger while driving, smile back at them and let them spend their energy being cranky. Don't let somebody else's bad day control the outcome of yours. If you have to deal with a grumpy person, kill them with kindness"

There is this saying that once you get on the road in Singapore, you become a different person. And that is quite true. So many people are driving recklessly at high speed. Some cut into lanes abruptly and without signaling. The honk is for showing displeasure here. While in some other countries, the honk is for catching people's attention, or simply saying hello.

22) Wanting more money - "the illusion that more money will solve all your problems and make you happy is nothing more than just that, an illusion. According to a Princeton University study, emotional well being  and happiness does rise with income, but only to an annual household income of $75,000."

Singapore is the world most expensive place to live in. Guess you cannot say money is not important, but to me, there are definitely many more things that are important and that money can't buy.