Another good read

Picked up this book from a library "Thinking Course: Powerful tools to transform your thinking" by Edward de Bono, because the author's name ring a bell. And I'm glad it was a good book that helps to improve thinking skills.

In this book, there is this chapter about "Other People" which talks about when there is a clash of viewpoints, many a times, people will start to attack each others' viewpoint in order to devalue the viewpoint held by the other party. Somehow by doing so, it feels as though you are doing it the "right" way. Most people fail to see that by attacking others' viewpoint, it doesn't make you any more right than the other party. It is this very mindset that if the other party is wrong means that you are right that makes changes hard to come by. Changes don't occur till the time when the existing idea is proven inadequate. But quoting from the book "This is the most complete nonsense imaginable. An idea may have been a good one in its time and may still be a good idea.. But this does not preclude the possibility of a much better idea." So it is with this idea that the road pricing system has changed from ALS (Area Licensing Scheme), to an ERP gen 1, and soon to be gen 2 in a short span of about 20 years.

ALS: (sign for restricted zones)


ERP: GEN 1 Gantry


 ERP: GEN 2: I guess no gantry will be used since gonna be using satellite.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/lta-issues-tender-for/1391798.html


Our negative thinking might also have caused many good idea to go down the drain:
"An idea may be 90% right and 10% wrong (or inadequate)." Instead of correcting that 10%, negative thinking caused us to focus on the inadequacy of that 10% and then "imply that anyone who could have put that forward must be an idiot and it therefore follows that the other 90% was thought up by an idiot and is therefore ridiculous."

Think positively, act constructively!


P.S.
Images taken from wikipedia.

Perfectionism

I have been reading up on perfectionism. Surely, no one in this world is perfect, but should it be an excuse for us to not do things perfectly? Or is it a reason for people to do things to the bare minimum standard that is acceptable to save hassle?

To answer that question, I read up this book called "When perfect isn't enough" by Antony, Martin & Swinson, Richard.

In the first chapter, the authors described what is Perfectionism.by getting a few definitions from various sources. Online Merriam Webster Dictionary define it as "a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. Another definition from a psychiatrist David Burns is "whose standards are beyond reach or reason, and who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in term of productivity and accomplishment."

Recently, perfectionism is described as a multidimensional concept. Below are three types that are listed in the book:

"Self-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to have standards for yourself that are unrealistically high and impossible to attain. These standards are self-imposed and tend to be associated with self-criticism and an inability to accept your own mistakes and faults. When self-oriented perfectionism is combined with negative life events or perceived failure, it can lead to difficulties with depression.

Other-oriented perfectionism is a tendency to demand that others meet your unrealistically high standards. People who are other-oriented perfectionists are often unable to delegate tasks to others for fear of being disappointed by a less-than-perfect performance of the job. Other-oriented perfectionists may also have problems with excessive anger, relationship stress, and other difficulties related to their high expectations of others.

Socially prescribed perfectionism is a tendency to assume that others have expectations of you that are impossible to meet. Socially prescribed perfectionists also believe that to gain approval from others, these high standards must be met. Unlike self-oriented perfectionism, in which expectations are self-imposed, in socially prescribed perfectionism, the high standards are believed to be imposed by others. Socially prescribed perfectionism can lead to feelings of anger (at people who are perceived to have unrealistically high standards), depression (if high standards are not met), or social anxiety (fear of being judged by other people)."

Can't imagine if a socially prescribed perfectionist meet a other-oriented perfectionist, does it mean that the former is actually no longer a socially prescribed perfectionist?

Anyway, while it is good to have standards, we have to constantly check that our standards are not actually perfectionistic belief. Example from the book is about keeping clean and washing up regularly. While it is good to be keeping clean, excessive cleaning (OCD) may result in sores from scrubbing. Therefore, we need to be flexible in our standards as well. If you are out under the sun, sweating is inevitable, so washing up might not be as thorough as when you are at home and getting ready for bed. If you are inflexible in your belief system, then it's likely that you will get into situations with people.

That next part was about common areas where perfectionism can be seen:

Performance at work / school
Student believing that nothing short of A is acceptable, therefore may be upset for weeks if he doesn't get an A. A teacher marking everyday homework must ensure that the marking is never wrong, so after spending 2 hours marking an assignment, spends another 1 hour to check through to ensure that the marking is correct, resulting in lack of sleep everyday.

Neatness and Aesthetic
Spending too much time cleaning leaving them with little time for other things. Individuals who believe that the house should be vacuumed twice daily may have difficulty convincing housemates to share equally in the labour, especially if the housemates believe that vacuuming once a week is sufficient.

Organization and Ordering
Clothes must be neatly folded and placed in a certain order in the cupboard.

Writing (Think I'm guilty of this)
Fear making mistakes when writing, so take a long time to finish writing letters, emails etc.

Speaking
Self-conscious of what they speak fearing that they might offend people.

Physical Appearance
Taking very long to decide what to wear resulting in being late for appointments

Health and Personal Cleanliness
Compulsive exercising, eating only certain healthy food and avoid unhealthy food altogether even if craving for it. Avoid touching things that might be viewed as contaminated. (for example toilet seats, money, people's hands) - sounds like what Dettol ads always want people to think.

The above are examples of perfectionism, can you think of the times when you might have cross the line of high standards to perfectionism?

This is just a short review of Chapter 1 of "When Perfect Isn't Good Enough : Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism (2nd Edition)'

Reviews for other chapters to follow in time.

Annual Hike 2014

I guess there won't be one this year.

Boy you date vs Man you marry

The title of this article said it all:
15 differences between the boy you date and the man you marry

What a jerk.

What the old man does is always right?

Saw an article on facebook and thought I would share:

愚蠢的老头子用一头牛换了一袋烂苹果，老婆子竟然回家给了他一个吻

http://mp.weixin.qq.com/s?__biz=MzA4MTg2MDUyNw%3D%3D&mid=200366266&idx=2&sn=14fae354b5e14fcd134fa91b6396cb0b&scene=4#rd

Literally, it means a silly old man exchanged a cow for a bag of rotten apples but the wife rewarded him with a kiss when he came home.

Found the heading interesting, which old woman would be so forgiving when her old man exchanged a cow for a bag of garbage? So I clicked and led me to the page. Upon reading the introduction, it says that's a story by Hans Christian Andersen - What the old man does is always right (English version)

Well, I don't read many stories of Hans Christan Andersen but I do know that he writes fairy-tales, so this could only mean that the story is fictional. Anyway, here's a gist of the story:

This old couple lived in a farmhouse and had nothing valuable under their names apart from a horse. One day, they decided that they will sell the horse, or exchanged it for something more useful to them, so the old woman asked the old man to go to the town to do whatever he deemed fit. "You know best, old man,"

Along the way, the old man made the following exchanges, being thoughtful that each exchange will please the wife:

1) Horse for a cow
2) Cow for a sheep
3) Sheep for a goose
4) Goose for a fowl
5) Fowl for a bag of shriveled apple

(From a normal person's point of view, the exchanges are always depreciating in values.)

After making all the exchanges, the old man went into an inn parlor where he met two rich Englishmen. Upon hearing the story, the two men suggested that the old man would get an earful from his wife when he got home, but he reassured the two men that his wife will not, an in fact, give him a kiss for his work. That's when a wager was made and the three men headed back to the old man's farmhouse.

Upon the old man's return, he told his wife about the exchanges he made, one at a time. These are the reactions after each exchanged was said:

1) “Now we shall have plenty of milk, and butter, and cheese on the table."
2)“Ah, better still!” cried the wife. “You always think of everything; we have just enough pasture for a sheep. Ewe’s milk and cheese, woolen jackets and stockings! The cow could not give all these, and her hair only falls off. How you think of everything!”
3)“Then we shall have roast goose to eat this year. You dear old man, you are always thinking of something to please me. This is delightful. We can let the goose walk about with a string tied to her leg, so she will be fatter still before we roast her.”
4)“A fowl! Well, that was a good exchange,” replied the woman. “The fowl will lay eggs and hatch them, and we shall have chickens; we shall soon have a poultry-yard. Oh, this is just what I was wishing for.”
5)“What! I really must give you a kiss for that!”

And the reason for number 5 was because she was mocked at by her neighbour when she went to borrow some herbs, saying that she could not even afford to return a shriveled apple. And here there is one whole sack of the apples which she could lend even tens to the neighbour.

The two men happily paid up to the wager and thought it worthwhile to pay to see such a loving couple.


What have I learnt from this story?

1) It's heartwarming that you see the wife had absolute faith in her husband that whatever he did, he did it with her in mind. Though people might see that it was silly to get something of less value than before, the wife knew better.

2) Though not known how long they were married, I guess it must have been very long, since people in the past married young. I guess this sort of trusting relationship takes time to foster.

3) A man will think of ways to please his wife, even if the things he do may seem irrational in the eyes of others. Love is irrational anyway.

4) A wife is a happy wife if she thinks the best of her husband and have faith and not look at only monetary values of actions.

5) This story is not real, so I guess this type of wives don't exist. But I'm pretty sure this type of husbands do exist.