Snubbed

To me, nothing is better than friendship, but then my discrete mathematics lecturer will say $1 is better than nothing, therefore $1 is better than friendship.

I used to make friends easily, because I'll be friendly to anyone who is friendly to me. I do yearn to make new friends, but I don't seem to get to know new people in university. I seemed to always find people walking in groups, while I'm usually alone. Sometimes I just wonder if it's because I walked too fast that no one can keep pace with me.

Without new friends, I also find communicating with current friends difficult. I speak in computing languages while most of my friends are engineers and scientists, each of them forming their own groups, and speaking in their own languages which is so foreign to me. I feel left out when they start talking about their homework which I totally have no idea what it is about. Talk about games, I'm not an avid gamer. Talk about politics, I'm really not interested. Talk about NBA, I'm really lost. Talk about other things, I just blurt whatever that comes to my mind, while others seemed to have gone through deep thoughts about the topic. This effectively left me with nothing to talk to them about.

I even think that I should just uninstall my Live Messenger. While many have people initiating chats with them, I basically just see people signing in, for some reason the same person will sign in again, then again, and he's blocked. Apart from the IP chat window, only one of the contacts in my whole list of contacts will occasionally initiate a chat. The rest of the chats are usually initiated by me, and time after time, I'll be ignored. Making me think if I'm more of a nuisance than a friend.

Maybe it's time I stuck my heads into the pile of books and hide in them so that no one can find me, and no one will bother anyway. I think I try hard to liven up my friends who may seem sad, but I supposed I'm even sadder compared to them, so why should I even try if I can't be happy myself.

After going through the Inter-Cultural Communication lecture two weeks back, I think I should start making plans to go to countries where people are more individualistic; you get credit for yourself when you done well; you get the full blame for something that you have done wrong; live for yourself, die for yourself. I don't think I can survive well in this collectivist society.