However,
many women take action by trying to take the lead in the relationship in hopes
that this will "fill the gaps" in the relationship and start to make things work
better and get the man re-engaged again.
But
the reality is that making this shift into trying to take charge and lead often
ends up with the woman feeling both unappreciated, and like she's the one trying
to "convince" the man that the relationship should be different and better.
I'm
sure I don't have to tell you that this is not a place where you want to be as a
woman in a relationship. Plus... Convincing is a 100% sure way to turn a man off
and stop any attraction he might have been feeling for you.
There's
a much, much better way...
3
Communication Secrets To Keep A Man Engaged
There's
a way to communicate with a man and keep him invested in you and the
relationship, without any convincing at all. Doing this involves three key
elements.
COMMUNICATION
SECRET #1: Truly Listen
Men,
just like women, need to feel like it's okay to have their feelings, and that
they will be heard and respected. And when they realize their partner isn't
really listening or interested in who they truly are or how they truly feel,
they will start to shut off bit by bit.
A
man can sense how a woman is trying to talk with him or ask him questions, and
he can sense if there are intense emotions behind what she's saying.
That's
why for a man, there are really two main ways that he will sense a woman's
communication in these more intense times of potential relationship
conflict.
A
man will either sense that:
A)
You are asking him to talk and share in order to truly try and UNDERSTAND both
him and your relationship better.
*Hint:
I think of this as "listening to hear the truth," not "listening to hear what
YOU want to hear," and there's a HUGE difference. It's this kind of listening to
genuinely hear the truth that creates the critically important "safe space" a
man needs to sense for him to share HIS true feelings with you.
Or,
on the other hand, a man will sense that...
B)
You are asking him to talk and share not to truly talk and listen, but in order
to play out your own feelings that you are having a hard time with, or to vent
difficult feelings you don't know how to communicate.
Guess
which way of talking and listening makes a man feel most comfortable to open up
and respond with a deeper level of thought, care and honesty? And guess which
way of asking a man a question and listening makes him have a difficult time
opening up and being honest about his true feelings?
Now...
knowing this, the question is how do you communicate in those important times
where you're feeling something and you need to talk with your man? Which way do
you approach the conversation, and are you asking to hear his truth and share
yours?
Or
are you asking because you need to first find a way to uncork all the feelings
you're having a hard time understanding, and you hope to hear what you want to
hear from him?
Keep
this in mind the next time you're communicating with a man so that you listen
without judgement and preconceived ideas about what he "should" say.
COMMUNICATION
SECRET #2: Quiet the Criticism
There's
something absolutely critical you need to get about men if you want to enjoy a
lasting relationship that feels easy and like a "fit" for YOU and for the man
you're with. It's this...
Men
do not respond to CRITICISM in relationships.
Now,
this might sound obvious, but it's incredible how many relationships have this
dynamic where men either accidentally perceive a woman's communication as
criticism... or where a woman is accidentally criticizing in an effort to make
the relationship better.
You
should know that most couples do not see it when they're criticizing each other.
That's why it's the subtleties of how criticism starts to undermine both
partners in the relationship and turn them against each other that makes
criticism so destructive.
In
the end, criticism will motivate a man to distance himself from you and see your
relationship as a negative place he needs to get away from in order to feel
better about himself.
When
a man feels criticized, he'll do most or all of the following:
- Stop
communicating any appreciation for the woman
- Feel
like a failure in his life and in your relationship and stop trying or being
passionate in both
- Find
ways to act out either directly or indirectly to express his frustration
- Spend
more time away from you and your relationship
- Stop
letting you in on his deeper thoughts and feelings and shut you out
- No
longer want to know about and understand your feelings and be a source of
support or comfort for you
Looking
at that list, you can see that criticism shuts down some huge emotional areas in
a man. When you think about it, criticism is just one way to try and create
change and to motivate someone (a man) to do something differently.
Can
you think of a more effective way of communicating with a man that will get you
the response you REALLY WANT with him in your relationship?
There's
something that truly works MAGIC with a man...
COMMUNICATION
SECRET #3: Show Appreciation
A
man wants to be respected for his thoughts and actions, and the way you
communicate this to him is by showing APPRECIATION.
Unfortunately,
often times women, especially smart, independent, and successful women,
unintentionally block opportunities for a man to please them. In short, they
make it difficult for a man to do for them the very things they'd like to
receive!
If
you're used to being a go-getter and taking matters into your own hands at work
and in your daily life, you might accidentally be preventing a man from stepping
in and being THE MAN for you.
So,
not only is he not able to please you and DO for you, but there are fewer
opportunities for you to show APPRECIATION for him.
This
Is An Easy Fix, But It Takes Practice
It
means you need to practice letting go of the reigns of the relationship and LET
HIM do more for you. You don't need to do anything at all for this to happen,
all you need to do is stop DOING, and this will create the space for him to move
forward and DO for you.
That's
when you'll create fresh opportunities to acknowledge and APPRECIATE him when he
does. Appreciation is the fuel the feeds a man's passion for you and makes him
not want to leave your side.
For
a complete, in-depth look at how to communicate appreciation to a man and speak
with him in a way that will really make him listen, check out my
Communication Secrets For A Secure Relationship program.
It
will teach you how to break through any distance between you and a man and shift
any negative patterns you have in the way you talk and share with each other.
Learn how to transform the way you communicate with a man, and in turn how he
sees you and opens up to you right here:
It's
Never To Late To Turn Things Around
If
a man was attracted to you in the beginning, it's possible to re-engage him and
get him feeling "it" for you again - and stronger than ever. You just need the
right approach. If you're in a relationship that has started to fizzle, all the
tips and insights you need are in my Relationship Turnaround
online video program:
In
this program, I'll reveal the real reason passion dies with a man and show you
the three key elements of a great relationship so that he'll recognize you as
the one woman he can't ever let get away.
I'll
talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.
Your
Friend,
Christian
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Taken directly off Catch-him and Keep-him newsletter by Christian Carter
