3 Communication Tips To Get Him Feeling More Passionate... Even If The "Spark" Is Gone

There's a common strategy lots of smart women take on when they sense something has shifted or is off in their relationship with a man. But instead of this strategy helping the relationship get back on track, it often accidentally creates distance in the relationship and pushes the man away. I call this strategy the "Convincer." I'll explain it like this... Accidentally Becoming The "Convincer" With Men Smart women often have high-standards and expect the best for themselves - from their relationship and from the man they're with - and that's a great thing. So when they aren't getting what they know is the best from the relationship, they take action. Now, it's a MUST to communicate and share your feelings when you don't feel your partner is giving to you and your relationship the way you are, and it's a good thing to do this as soon as you feel it.

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However, many women take action by trying to take the lead in the relationship in hopes that this will "fill the gaps" in the relationship and start to make things work better and get the man re-engaged again.

But the reality is that making this shift into trying to take charge and lead often ends up with the woman feeling both unappreciated, and like she's the one trying to "convince" the man that the relationship should be different and better.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that this is not a place where you want to be as a woman in a relationship. Plus... Convincing is a 100% sure way to turn a man off and stop any attraction he might have been feeling for you.

There's a much, much better way...

3 Communication Secrets To Keep A Man Engaged

There's a way to communicate with a man and keep him invested in you and the relationship, without any convincing at all. Doing this involves three key elements.

COMMUNICATION SECRET #1: Truly Listen

Men, just like women, need to feel like it's okay to have their feelings, and that they will be heard and respected. And when they realize their partner isn't really listening or interested in who they truly are or how they truly feel, they will start to shut off bit by bit.

A man can sense how a woman is trying to talk with him or ask him questions, and he can sense if there are intense emotions behind what she's saying.

That's why for a man, there are really two main ways that he will sense a woman's communication in these more intense times of potential relationship conflict.

A man will either sense that:

A) You are asking him to talk and share in order to truly try and UNDERSTAND both him and your relationship better.

*Hint: I think of this as "listening to hear the truth," not "listening to hear what YOU want to hear," and there's a HUGE difference. It's this kind of listening to genuinely hear the truth that creates the critically important "safe space" a man needs to sense for him to share HIS true feelings with you.

Or, on the other hand, a man will sense that...

B) You are asking him to talk and share not to truly talk and listen, but in order to play out your own feelings that you are having a hard time with, or to vent difficult feelings you don't know how to communicate.

Guess which way of talking and listening makes a man feel most comfortable to open up and respond with a deeper level of thought, care and honesty? And guess which way of asking a man a question and listening makes him have a difficult time opening up and being honest about his true feelings?

Now... knowing this, the question is how do you communicate in those important times where you're feeling something and you need to talk with your man? Which way do you approach the conversation, and are you asking to hear his truth and share yours?

Or are you asking because you need to first find a way to uncork all the feelings you're having a hard time understanding, and you hope to hear what you want to hear from him?

Keep this in mind the next time you're communicating with a man so that you listen without judgement and preconceived ideas about what he "should" say.

COMMUNICATION SECRET #2: Quiet the Criticism

There's something absolutely critical you need to get about men if you want to enjoy a lasting relationship that feels easy and like a "fit" for YOU and for the man you're with. It's this...

Men do not respond to CRITICISM in relationships.

Now, this might sound obvious, but it's incredible how many relationships have this dynamic where men either accidentally perceive a woman's communication as criticism... or where a woman is accidentally criticizing in an effort to make the relationship better.

You should know that most couples do not see it when they're criticizing each other. That's why it's the subtleties of how criticism starts to undermine both partners in the relationship and turn them against each other that makes criticism so destructive.

In the end, criticism will motivate a man to distance himself from you and see your relationship as a negative place he needs to get away from in order to feel better about himself.

When a man feels criticized, he'll do most or all of the following:

• Stop communicating any appreciation for the woman
• Feel like a failure in his life and in your relationship and stop trying or being passionate in both
• Find ways to act out either directly or indirectly to express his frustration
• Spend more time away from you and your relationship
• Stop letting you in on his deeper thoughts and feelings and shut you out
• No longer want to know about and understand your feelings and be a source of support or comfort for you

Looking at that list, you can see that criticism shuts down some huge emotional areas in a man. When you think about it, criticism is just one way to try and create change and to motivate someone (a man) to do something differently.

Can you think of a more effective way of communicating with a man that will get you the response you REALLY WANT with him in your relationship?

There's something that truly works MAGIC with a man...

COMMUNICATION SECRET #3: Show Appreciation

A man wants to be respected for his thoughts and actions, and the way you communicate this to him is by showing APPRECIATION.

Unfortunately, often times women, especially smart, independent, and successful women, unintentionally block opportunities for a man to please them. In short, they make it difficult for a man to do for them the very things they'd like to receive!

If you're used to being a go-getter and taking matters into your own hands at work and in your daily life, you might accidentally be preventing a man from stepping in and being THE MAN for you.

So, not only is he not able to please you and DO for you, but there are fewer opportunities for you to show APPRECIATION for him.

This Is An Easy Fix, But It Takes Practice

It means you need to practice letting go of the reigns of the relationship and LET HIM do more for you. You don't need to do anything at all for this to happen, all you need to do is stop DOING, and this will create the space for him to move forward and DO for you.

That's when you'll create fresh opportunities to acknowledge and APPRECIATE him when he does. Appreciation is the fuel the feeds a man's passion for you and makes him not want to leave your side.

For a complete, in-depth look at how to communicate appreciation to a man and speak with him in a way that will really make him listen, check out my Communication Secrets For A Secure Relationship program.

It will teach you how to break through any distance between you and a man and shift any negative patterns you have in the way you talk and share with each other. Learn how to transform the way you communicate with a man, and in turn how he sees you and opens up to you right here:

Watch Communication Secrets

It's Never To Late To Turn Things Around

If a man was attracted to you in the beginning, it's possible to re-engage him and get him feeling "it" for you again - and stronger than ever. You just need the right approach. If you're in a relationship that has started to fizzle, all the tips and insights you need are in my Relationship Turnaround online video program:

Watch a Preview Here

In this program, I'll reveal the real reason passion dies with a man and show you the three key elements of a great relationship so that he'll recognize you as the one woman he can't ever let get away.

I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian

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Taken directly off Catch-him and Keep-him newsletter by Christian Carter